Forgiveness: How to get rid of grudges and bitterness
by Silvana DonatoWhen someone dear to you hurts you, you can harboring anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move on.
Almost everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of someone else. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend has gossiped about you. Your partner has a story. These wounds can leave lasting feelings of anger in you, bitterness and even vengeance. But if you do not practice forgiveness, you may be the only ones to pay caramente.Abbracciando forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy.
Yes, but how to forgive?
Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.., Discusses forgiveness and how it can guide the path of physical, emotional and spiritual.
What is forgiveness?
There is no definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This may reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can live a freer and happier in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the person who hurt you.
Forgiving someone means that you’re forgetting or condoning what happened?
Absolutely not! Forgiving is not the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act has hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can loosen their hold on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness does not mean that you deny the responsibility of the other in having offended. It does not minimize and justify the mistake. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
The researchers were interested in studying the effects of having no ability to forgive and forgive. The test is based on the fact that keeping grudges and bitterness resulting in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers many benefits, including:
* Lower blood pressure
* Stress Reduction
* Less hostility
* Ability to better manage anger
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of drug abuse and alcohol
* Fewer symptoms of depression
* Fewer symptoms of anxiety
* Reductions in chronic pain
* More friends
* Healthy relationships
* Being more religious and spiritual
* Improved physiological well-being
Why do we hold grudges and become resentful of us and not forgive?
People who are more likely there will hurt are those closest to us – our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we hurt someone we love or trust – whether it’s a lie, a betrayal, a refusal as an insult or abuse – can be extremely difficult to overcome. Even the slightest injury could lead to major conflicts.
When you suffered an injury from the actions or words of someone, whether it is intentional or not, you can start to feel negative emotions such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when someone close to you. These feelings can be reduced at the beginning. But if you do not immediately addressed, they can become larger and more powerful. They may even begin to prevalicare on positive feelings. Resentment fed by resentment, vengeance and hostility take hold when you dwell on painful events or situations that have recurred many times in your mind.
Now, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You feel trapped and you can not see the way out. It is very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unable to forgive.
How do I know when its time to try to forgive?
When we withhold pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. If we do not forgive, we ourselves pay the price forever. We can get to take our bitterness and anger in every relationship and new experience. Our lives are so enmeshed in evil to stop us from enjoying the present. Other signs that may entice you to forgive are:
* Dwell on the events surrounding the offense
* You do hear from others who wallow in self or that the victim
* Be shunned by family and friends because they do not like your company
* Have outbursts of rage at the slightest lack of respect
* Often feels misunderstood
* Drink excessively, smoke or use drugs to try to hold off the pain
* Have symptoms of depression or anxiety
* To be consumed by desires for revenge or punishment
* Automatically think the worst about people or situations
* Mourn the loss of a valuable report
* Feel that your life has no meaning
* Feel in conflict with your religious or spiritual beliefs
The bottom line is that you often feel you risk your life miserable today.
How can I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and may take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness in a somewhat ‘different. One step is to recognize the value and importance of forgiveness in our lives at any given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we react and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being.
Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the person who has offended us. In this way, we pull out of the role of victim and download the control and power that the person and the situation that we have given offense has had on our lives.
Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of belief and action that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we do not define most of our lives as we were wounded, and we may even find compassion and understanding.
What happens if I can not forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be a real challenge. It can be especially difficult to forgive someone who does not admit the mistake or who does not mention repentance.Keep in mind that the first recipient of forgiveness is yourself. If you feel stuck, you may want to take the time to speak with someone who you consider wise and compassionate as a spiritual guide, a social worker or an unbiased family member or friend.
It can also be useful to reflect on times that you have hurt others and those who have forgiven you. If you remember how you felt, can help to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be useful to pray, use guided meditations. In any case, if the intention is to forgive, forgiveness will in due course.
Forgiveness provides a reconciliation?
Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible for he who has offended is dead. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate.Especially if you have been attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if it is not reconciliation.
On the other hand, if the incident involved a painful family member or a valued friend, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation. This may not happen immediately, since both of you may need time to restore confidence. But in the end, your relationship may well be one that is rich and satisfying.
What happens if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I do not want?
These situations are difficult. If the wound involves a family member, may not always be possible to avoid it completely. You may be invited to the same family gatherings, for example. If you had reached the state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these meetings without growing old wounds. If you have not reached forgiveness, these meetings can be tense and stressful for everyone, especially if other family members took the party to the conflict.
How to handle this situation? First, remember that you have a choice whether or not to attend family gatherings. Respect yourself and go for the best solution. If you choose to go, do not be surprised to feel embarrassed and even more intense feelings. It is important to keep these feelings at bay. You do not want certain that they will lead to be unjust or unkind to return to what has been done.
Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to numb your feelings or feel better – you’re likely to backfire against you. And keep your heart and mind open.People change and maybe the person who has offended you will excuse or remedy. In fact you will discover that the meeting will be way ahead of you to forgive.
How do I know when I have truly forgiven someone?
Forgiveness can be said with sincerity in words such as “I forgive you” or take actions that put in place the report. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you to get on with life. The offense is no longer the center of your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Also remember that forgiveness is not something that happens suddenly. It begins with the decision, but since the memory or another set of actions or words can lead to old feelings, you will need to resort to forgiveness several times.
And if the person I’m forgiving does not change?
Let the other person is changing its behavior is not the point of forgiveness. In fact, the person is not told to change attitude or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness rather than as a way to change your life – bringing yourself more peace, happiness and emotional well-being and spiritual.
Forgiveness removes the other person the power to continue to influence your way. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer consider yourself a victim.
Forgiveness is first of all made for yourself and not for the person you have wronged.
What if I am in need of forgiveness?
It would be good to spend some time to think about that you committed the offense and try to understand the effect it had on others. Unless this does not cause more harm and distress, consider admitting the wrong you have done to those who hurt you, speaking of your sincere repentance and asking forgiveness – without giving an apology.
But if this seems unwise because it can bring more harm or suffering, better not do it – do not apologize for is that you feel better. Do not want to add salt to the wound sore. Also keep in mind that you can not force someone to forgive you.They will need their time to forgive.
In any case, we should commit ourselves to forgive ourselves. Keep yourself resentment may be deleterious in the same way how to keep resentment toward someone else. Realize that poor behavior or mistakes does not make you a bad or be useless.
Accept that you – like everyone else – are not perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Try to treat others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual guide, a social worker or a friend / relative can be trusted useful.
Forgiveness of yourself or others, though not easy, it can transform your life.Instead of lingering in the sense of injustice and revenge, instead of feeling angry or bitter, you can turn towards a life of peace, compassion, joy and kindness.